Public Approaches

It seems to be about every day now that I catch some street harassment. There is at least one person every day who wants to ruin mine by showing how misogynistic they are. Some guy will show off to an invisible audience by embarrassing some young (never old) lady with his unpleasant cat calls.

If you are wondering who the victim is, it is not me. And I feel sorry for a girl who honestly just wants to walk down the street. It's embarrassing to guys, really, more than it is to girls. These things increasingly bother me when I hear the same types of guys laugh about raping women (but it's just a joke, right?) and supposing women should be where they belong. And sometimes friends I would not expect to accept or pursue this behavior will shout out some line at a girl and then laugh to me expecting me to be impressed. I even hear myself say things sometimes.

Honestly, I cannot stand any of this. Men should be capable of knowing that this is not the way to flatter women. Some guy I talked to today said it works sometimes, but I could hardly believe him cause I had just confronted him for whistling at some girl about the way she was dressed as he rode past.

I was on my bike, too, and he had noticed me on the light rail earlier, so he rode next to me after giving that girl a tasteless impression of the average cyclist. I moved my bike closer to his and kept my voice low rather than getting aggravated.

"Hey, dude. Do you think that really works? What you said to that girl? Because I'm pretty sure women do not like being talked to that way."

We had a brief conversation afterward while we rode our bikes through the local college campus. He seemed like a guy who might have shouted back in confidence if I had raised my voice. If you yell at people for this sort of behavior, you better hope they are the shy type. And as he sung in sweet chatter that rang out positive tones, he did it with all of the wrong words. This was a guy, stuck in his world of persistent angst, who had picked up a nasty habit of hitting on girls in public.

But I persisted, and even brought up some issues my partner has had with her harassers and some of her friends. As it turned out, I was more impressive than I thought I would be. He seemed to come to some sort of understanding and accepted my points. Later on, I kept wondering if I could have the same effect on anyone I came up on the street doing this. This guy bore little resemblance to many of the harassers on the street. I cannot imagine using this technique every single time, but I am certain I will make my attempts when I am able.

Singularity, Impulse

Singularity

The weight of importance on the idea of singularity, individuality, oneness has plagued my life constantly. Not only this obsession created many distasteful people and attitudes, but it has also affected my impulses.

Beginning at a young age, I enjoyed imagining myself as someone important, that I could stand alone. I imagined that I was simply more exquisitely important than others because I was me. I was "the one". Why I felt this way is a mystery.

For example, when I would sit in my First Grade class, my teacher Mrs. Corey would be talking up front about the alphabet or math. I would have my name-tag in hand and fly it from outside my peripheral view onto the top of my desk as if it were a logo for a TV series, starring me. I would draw out my adventures, but since my motor skills were poor, I designed alien-like creatures who represented my friends and I. Of course, mine looked more different than any of these others in order to represent my "oneness".

Playing with my friends I always felt entitled to the coolest weapons or games. When we built toy cities with one another, I found myself creating exceptionally original ideas in order to ensure that I was the one who stood out the most. In games I would quit if I felt I could not be the best.

Since those waking days I have been through many trials with my sense of singularity. My willingness to stand alone punished me countless times. One example: I voiced my distaste to the driver of a car about her choice in music while we drove around late at night. She had not taken my criticism well nor had I packaged it kindly resulting in a three hour argument parked in front of another friend's house. Afterwards, I was willing to believe I could be self-righteous and get out of this situation without a scar. Of course, my friends dumped me--not her.

She had even gone so far as to blame my attitude about her music on my recent breakup: "No wonder you two broke up!" And even though I still assess her accusation as completely wrong, she probably did not deserve stubborn resistance from me to accept her choice in music, despite my feelings about it.

Ultimately, it does not matter what any of us think or feel inside. We can choose how to interpret our emotions. Choosing our actions over our emotional impulses could earn us jobs, find us friends, and encourage us to accomplish feats we would not immediately think ourselves able to do. If I had told her I liked her music I would be lying, but we never would have fought.

It comes to exactly this: is it worth following our impulses? I say no, because quite frankly, none of us are "the one" enough to follow our senses with 100% return on investment. In return, I offer the concept conscientiousness.

Impulse Reliance Defined

I thought it would be nice to round off the previous piece with a little snippet on impulse.

I see that people rely upon their impulses out of the obsession with one's relative success in life from chance. Impulses are glorified everywhere. If there is not enough of an inner desire to rely on impulses, there are certainly external sources that will insist.

"Use the force, Luke" is a quote that contains a message of impulses. Ditch science, ditch review, ditch help--use your instincts because they'll get you through every time.

But I guarantee, if you're out in the forest and a bear starts accosting you, your first instinct may be to run or to shoot. Strictly, both are the wrong approach. To escape one must know the methods of escape from a bear, knowledge being the primary motive. Your impulses will not come in handy.

I find that knowledge, patience, and conscientiousness are much more capable of producing favorable results. Seriously; even if you have the ability to do something, you might not be able to do it if you focus too much on the end result and not on the means of getting there...

So the point is simple: do not be impulsive. Think things through, breathe, and take your time. Even if it is an impulse that you know you cannot achieve, you probably should think about it for a moment to realize it will only detract from what you really need to be doing.